Is there some sort of award in television broadcasting for coming up with the most “clever” male-centric sound-alike terminology? In the last two weeks on the CBS News, I’ve seen stories about how manorexia is on the rise, how to decipher a man’s brocabulary, and how to tell, if you’re a woman, if your significant other is subjecting you to maleienation. What’s next? Encouraging men to go get manograms? An in-depth look at underwear and men who like to wear manties? Talking about how men hide their true selves behind maskulinity?

I’m a shoe-in for an Emmy at this rate.

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So, I watched some of CBS’s coverage of the Republican Convention speeches last night, curious to hear from Palin, and was treated to a fantastic shot of her daughter sprucing up the baby’s hair.

I nearly pissed myself. Honest.

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Oh God, not another Olympics. Seriously? Are we still doing this? Do we still have countries coming together “in the spirit of friendly sporting competition,” even though it’s really just an orgy of political posturing, patriotic chest-thumping, and advertising overload where a corporate logo is slapped on anything that holds still for more than thirty seconds? Bizarre pseudo-sports that no one would even attempt if there wasn’t a chance of pulling a medal out of it? Two weeks of incessant coverage? Whining over partisan judging? Maudlin stories of athletes “doing it for their sick relative”? Performance-enhancing drug scandals? Constant updates of events that feature all the thrilling drama of standing in line at the DMV?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The only time countries meeting up is interesting is when automatic weapons are involved.

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In any televised news story about a family pet, there will be at least one shot of the animal sniffing the camera lens.

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