I’m sure you’ve heard about this by now. The Norwegian government has knighted a penguin. This is utterly true. Had a full ceremony and everything, with honor guard (who had to feel supremely stupid doing this), some guy playing bagpipes, the little tap-you-on-the-shoulder-with-the-sword thing, the whole deal. So there’s a penguin waddling around Norway with the title of “Sir.”

And I can’t help but think, for the other folks who have attained the honor of knighthood for actually doing something, this has to tarnish that just a little.

“To you, Olaf Norwegianperson, for valorous service on the field of battle, defending your regiment armed only with a sharpened stick against a full battalion, I confer upon you the title of Knighthood.”
“Thank you, sir. It is an honor.”
“And to you, Niles Olav, for being a flightless aquatic bird—”
“Hold up, what?”

I hear next week they’re going to give a Dukedom to a capybara.