The SBM (that’s Soon-to-Be Mrs.) and I went grocery shopping the other night and there, between the bread aisle and the canned vegetables, I came face to face with utter horror.

There was a cardboard display stocked full of various lunchbag snackables. The display’s endcaps were shaped to look like the front and back of a school bus. Back-to-school savings, good and fine as far as it goes. Trouble is, the artwork for the school bus looks like something out of Lovecraft.

I mean, look at this bus driver. Sloped shoulders, vacant stare, cretin hat, fish lips, right hand that appears to float in mid-air which I guess allows for the bizarre thumb-in-the-back grip on the door lever. Is this the guy you want transporting your little treasures to the schoolhouse?

And this… kid, I guess. What the hell is this thing? Arms appear to be jutting out of his rib cage. Hands don’t even appear to be attached to his arms. Freaky, mutant head resting on top of some abomination of a neck, as he makes the face of the eternally damned and causes untold nightmares for generations to come.

And to top it all off, he’s a ginger.

This is supposed to be enticing? This is supposed to encourage impulse buys? Are people actually supposed to look at this, find it delightful and amusing, and be drawn to it in order to select from the offered items? I have no idea what products were even for sale, so transfixed was I by the freakish horrors beckoning to me from the school bus windows.

I don’t know, maybe it’s a proven advertising fact that bad artwork makes you want to buy Twinkies.