Oh God, not another Olympics. Seriously? Are we still doing this? Do we still have countries coming together “in the spirit of friendly sporting competition,” even though it’s really just an orgy of political posturing, patriotic chest-thumping, and advertising overload where a corporate logo is slapped on anything that holds still for more than thirty seconds? Bizarre pseudo-sports that no one would even attempt if there wasn’t a chance of pulling a medal out of it? Two weeks of incessant coverage? Whining over partisan judging? Maudlin stories of athletes “doing it for their sick relative”? Performance-enhancing drug scandals? Constant updates of events that feature all the thrilling drama of standing in line at the DMV?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The only time countries meeting up is interesting is when automatic weapons are involved.