A local children’s hospital has launched a new advertising campaign for the summer. It features a large number of billboards and neighborhood signs showing children dashing after dogs, balls, a kite, that sort of thing. The tagline for the ads is “Children dart. Drive smart.” The message, of course, is kids are tiny little idiots who will run directly in front of your car without warning, so you should be extra careful during the summer to not crush them under your wheels.

Now, that’s all good and fine, but the thing is, I don’t believe their sincerity. Think about it. This is a children’s hospital. They make money by healing sick and injured children. Why would they want you to take extra precautions to avoid driving over them? That’s money out of their pocket. The more kids you run over, the better their bottom line. I know, from a PR standpoint they can’t actually advocate the vehicular mauling of toddlers, but I don’t buy that they’re going to be all that upset if you do. It’s the same thing as Philip Morris encouraging you not to smoke, or Budweiser admonishing you to drink responsibly. Sure, it sounds like they care, but it’s less cash for them if you actually take them up on it.

Never trust when a company encourages you not to use their product.