So I’m getting ready to microwave up a Healthy Choice french bread pizza for lunch and, before pulling back the top of the box as per instructions, I notice something. Next to the large picture of a cooked pizza on the front of the box, in small type near the bottom, were the words “Serving Suggestion.” Serving suggestion? What exactly are they suggesting? I mean, I’m appreciative that the Healthy Choice food company is looking out for me, offering helpful suggestions as to how I should serve their products, but I’m not sure what the suggestion is. It’s just a picture of a pizza. What’s the suggestion? Cook it first? That seems like more of a necessity than a suggestion. Put it on a plate? There’s no plate in the picture. Use a fork? Slice off small pieces? Serve cheese side up? Do not sprinkle with broken glass? What?

I briefly considered calling their consumer hotline, but I was afraid that asking an underpaid person who had to deal with stupid people all day long “What should do I do with this pizza?” would lead to all sorts of unsavory answers. Besides, I was hungry, so I just cooked it up and ate it my normal way: bare-handed and standing over the sink. I would offer that’s an equally valid serving suggestion, but I’ll agree it wouldn’t look as good on the box.