I don’t know, I just really think I would enjoy the irony of opening the newspaper one morning to discover someone had choked to death on Life cereal.

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“You’re up bright and early.” Ever hear this? I don’t get it. I get up early all the time and it’s never bright. Kinda dark, actually. If it is bright when I get up, it’s not early.

I must be doing something wrong.

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Pick up pretty much any antibacterial cleaner and it’ll feature a large starburst proclaiming it “Kills 99.9% of bacteria!” What is that .1% that they can’t kill? Is there this one bacterium sitting in the petri dish thumbing its nose (assuming bacteria have noses… and thumbs) at the scientists as they dump poison after poison on it? Or did the scientists just get lazy? “Well, we can kill 99.9% of them… but it’s almost ten o’clock. Screw that last guy. We’ll let him live.”

Worse, do we need to worry about this super-bacteria that refuses to die? If he’s hanging out on your toilet seat and you waltz up and waste 99.9% of his friends, he’s going to want revenge. And there’s apparently nothing on the market that can kill him. Better play it safe and just stop cleaning.

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