So, I was at Starbucks the other day, as the fiancee wanted a frappucino. I don’t know, she likes ‘em. Anyway, they have a display by the front counter, full of plastic bottles of their Ethos water. On the display is a picture of a grimy child squatting next to a trickle of water running out of a pipe. The display then informs you that over a billion people worldwide lack access to safe drinking water, but you can help! By buying a bottle of Ethos water for only $2.50, Starbucks will then donate five cents of that purchase to helping these poor unfortunate souls get fresh water.

This, to me, seems inefficient. Starbucks is going to have to wait for fifty people to buy a bottle of water before they even have enough to buy the thirsty urchins a single bottle of their own product. And based on the layer of dust on the bottles, the Ethos isn’t exactly flying off the shelves, meaning poor little Ngutu is going to die of thirst long before she gets a sip of the stuff. So here’s what I’m thinking: Starbucks has a bunch of overpriced water they’re not selling. A bunch of people need water. Why not just, oh, I don’t know, send them the bottled water? I mean, if Starbucks is truly, deeply concerned with the welfare of the poor thirsty masses, why not step up and airlift over a couple hundred cases of the stuff? I mean, they must be concerned with the well-being of these poor souls, right? They wouldn’t just be exploiting unfortunate children to guilt us into paying an exorbitant mark-up on tap water, thereby lining their pockets ever deeper in large-denomination bills, would they?